This Must Be About Beer

It’s hard to know what to say about living in Wisconsin right now, because everything is so off the rails, but I’ll try. Let me give you the highlight reel so as not to overwhelm. This is all happening now.

Oh, Great

We’re currently one of a handful of COVID-19 black holes (Hi North Dakota, South Dakota, Montana and Guam!)

Shhh, It’s A Secret

In response to media filing Freedom of Information Act requests to get the state to release the names of businesses that had experienced COVID-19 outbreaks, immediately the chamber of commerce people sued to keep that information private, because how dare people know information pertinent to their health, right?

How Dare You Try

Evers reissued a statewide mask mandate because we suck and we need it. The Wisconsin Institute for Law and Liberty (WILL) sued like a bunch of babies and lost, but of course now they’re going to appeal because winter is coming and we all need that rage to keep us warm.

Together, We Hate Each Other

In Eau Claire where I live, our city council’s only visible accomplishment to date re: this pandemic happened back in July. That’s when they issued this weird resolution that reads more like kind of a smarmy poem about togetherness, and completely ignores the fact that everyone here is perpetually on the verge of bursting into flames with hate for each other.

Eh, Let’s Wait And See

It would be really great if we could close bars, or even just close specific repeat-offender bars, or really do anything at all as a city to help limit the viral spread, but alas, that’s not what we’re about. We are cautious to a deadly fault. This week our city council attempted a relatively complex legislative maneuver that would have done something or other if this or that, rules rules more rules, in these cases but not those, therefore be it resolved that and all that jazz. The point was to… well honestly I don’t even know. They kept saying it didn’t give the health department additional powers. What it did give was the council legislative oversight of public health measures, which actually kind of sucks, because the council doesn’t necessarily come ready-made with biology or public health degrees. So what’s the point?

Anyway today the council put it aside until at least January, when they’ll bring it back up for six months of discussion for some reason.

Good thing this isn’t urgent.

There’s a similar ordinance that could still pass at the county level, with some teeth removed. Maybe they’ll wait til January, too — give this pandemic a little more time to really flatten our hospitals before we grudgingly acquiesce to the even smallest course of action beyond contact tracing and niceness.

Freelance Parades

Meanwhile, my street has seen two lengthy Trump truck parades in the past ten days, featuring many curiously large flags with snakes on them, and a fair amount of honking and yelling, including swear-yelling. So now my yard (as of tonight) has a new sign and here it is:

Psssst: viruses can kill you.

About The Beer

So back to the title of this piece — this is about beer, isn’t it. Look, I don’t know what else it could be. The first time the GOP in Madison sued Evers for his Safer at Home plan and won, people flocked, not back to school or to the malls or even to their favorite fine dining establishment, but TO THE BARS. Students came back to UWEC in September and have been packing the Pickle and Shenanigans on the regular, with predictably infectious results. And now the Tavern League of Wisconsin is suing Tony Evers to block his recent capacity limit on bars and restaurants, even as our numbers of the sick and dead continue to climb and climb with no end or plan anywhere in sight.

I know this is Wisconsin and we like beer, but COME ON.

(Everyone knows you can drink from home, right? I’ve been doing it ALL SUMMER honestly and it’s fine. Totally fine.)

Can we not throw some money at these bars to get them to close their doors for two weeks? Just two weeks. No? Oh okay.

Well, never mind then.

Forget I said anything. How are YOU?



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store